The Middle - Irina's WildFit Life

WEEK 4- 11 Week 4, Day 3 Now it really got me. I have been sneaking around to apartment today searching for something to satisfy this need for – something. My first hard day. Hard is exaggerated, but this is the day I would normally have ended up shuffling about 1 croissant, 3 slices of bread with butter (all whole grain organic of course! Mind you!), chocolate, cookies, whatever, basic instinct rules – into my mouth. And a bag of potato chips. As we happen to have some at home. Because I coincidentally noticed that they had no sugar in them. Into the shopping trolley they went. That was before I became aware that potatoes are out. Are there even real potatoes in potato chips? And I don’t even particularly like potato chips. Or potatoes. So the nuts didn’t feel so good after a while. Like always. After lunch I had my sugar-free apple strudel to satisfy my need for a desert. Upon finishing up I realized that fruit in the afternoon is a no-no and that it had breadcrumbs made with butter inside. Won’t happen again, I promise. Come evening, a major stroll starts again. I actually looked through all cupboards trying to locate something “munch able”. Indian snack mixes? Sugar, we knew that. Rice crackers, corn crackers – the usual heathy munchies? Are you kidding me? Found peanut butter- something at least. The second spoon full already tasted disgusting. Back into the cupboard. Or should I throw it out? Seeds were next. Wonderful, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, how lucky am I? Tasted awful. That’s what I get from always buying things the most natural way, which in this case mean no salt. So I did what I have been doing all day: I took some big heaps of coconut oil and mousse. Yum! You can rely on that! My savior! At least today. So after all this I thought, let’s have some wine before he takes it off us on Friday. And it tasted so bag, I threw it out. And what good is a glass of wine without anything to munch on? There you go. So I took comfort in one of my new best friends: Kurkuma latte. Better than wine. It just dawned on me why I am so dissatisfied with what I ate today: I didn’t eat fully raw! There was so much tomato sauce left that I added hot tomato sauce to my raw zucchini spaghetti. That’s it, that must be it! I had not felt this dissatisfied since the beginning of the program- but then I always had my munchies that really didn’t count because they were just munchies and with all the healthy stuff I eat for meals – counting the chocolate bar, the pretzels, the croissant and the bread and butter and the Indian snack mixes in the evening would be really petty now, wouldn’t it?! Week 5 Day 1 (Oct 17, 2016) This week caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and all additives are out. At last it’s said and we have to do it. Like we were waiting for it. People seem to have even bigger issues with coffee than with sugar. Friday night was bad. I had severe heart beating, felt sick. The juice helped in the morning. Last night was similar. Only last evening I’d had a bit of white wine which I didn’t even like. And lots of peanut butter, which is disgusting and most likely makes my colon look the exact same way it does. We got a couple of bonuses over the weekend: (the recording of) a spontaneous live call on Friday and a live recording with some questions taken yesterday on nicotine, the evolution diet and caffeine. Very interesting, and yet I have been experiencing a bit of wildfit fatigue over the past days. I still love the program, mind you. Maybe I’ve been too into it, hanging out in the FB-group too much and too personally involved. Or maybe the whole has just lost its novel excitement. It’s good company now, and I can see big differences already. Tonight’s live call (the most boring one so far) reminded me of how much has improved in only 4 weeks:

Since TUE last week my back is so much better, no comparison to before. I can move without pain, only after long/wrong sitting or in the morning does it hurt, but a lot less than it used to. Wow! That’s big. I never thought it could be related to something I ate. Marta pointed that out to me last week that gluten clogs the joints.
My sleep. I sleep an hour less (7) than I used to. I wake up before the alarm goes off. I’m still not jumping out of bed full of energy, but it’s not that hard getting up anymore. (from week 2)
My dreams came back in week 2. Vivid, strong dreams, beautiful.
I’m not tired during the day. (week 2)
More energy. I move quicker, things are more in the flow. (week 2)
I have more horsepower. I notice it when I bike or when I climb the stairs. Quicker, stronger, and no exhaustion. (w 3)
My nails are not breaking anymore (from start)
My moods: I’m happier, more relaxed, more joyful and positive. I move through the day a lot lighter.
My body: Though I have “only” lost 1 kg so far, my whole body feels like it was changing big time. It feels slimmer and softer and like it was re-arranging itself.
Bloating is a lot less.

Some things got worse or changed to the worse:

I have so much gas I could power a truck. And it smells! And it’s noisy! Epic farts a colleague said. I’d rather have the bloating back and be rid of the farts. Have already removed the apple juice, but no difference. It does start in the morning or late morning, so I would assume it has to do with the juice. (Nothing happens after the fruits.) Don’T know what to do. Will see what happens.
My bladder: the same day my back improved, my bladder suddenly lost control. I can’t hold my pee when it’s urgent, like there was no muscle. It better be a detox symptom or else I’ll end up in diapers. Started with exercise again which helps.
The nights with the strong heart beating and seating were bad. Hope that’s over, whatever it was.

Last week I stopped all supplements. I figured my body was repairing itself and didn’t want any interference. After the bad night last night I went back on the liver support. The liver must be working overtime now with all these bad things being released from places I have never reached with detox etc (like when have I not eaten any sugar at all for a full 3 weeks?), so it would need some support I guess. I wish there were some wildfitters close by and we could get together for real. They are starting to do that now. Maybe in Paris next week and in India in November. Too bad I’m not going to London. There are some there who would love to meet. It’s a fantastic group- the humor, the support, the honesty- wonderful. I wonder whether that has to do with all of us coming through Mindvalley, meaning that we are spiritually inclined and practicing people. I wish we could get together and meet somewhere. Like Eric#s place, haha. I wish I already had my hotel so I could tell them all about it- that would be such great promotion. Also, I’m so glad I’m doing this because I#m learning so much and in a way that I will remember it. It will be so beneficial for my project. Week 6- 11 (Dec 12, 2016) First going into deep spring was very tough. I felt deprived. I didn’t know what to eat. Me who had been living on vegetables for how long now? And the alkagizer? OMG! Couldn’t get the thing down. By a funny mood of fate going into deep spring coincided with me going to paris for a week. I left on day 2 of the new turn. And I suffered At first I did my best. I arrived in paris at night but made it to the grocery store just before closure so I had some greens ready for breakfast. And Séverine’s “blender”! Turned out to be a puree-blender for making soups etc. But I was determined- unhappy, but determined. It took me forever and a lot of creativity was needed in Séverine’s unequipped kitchen (no pitcher, no bowl, no space even- but I succeeded. Luckily avocados- being from Spain- were somewhat local or regional in Paris, so I indulged. Adding them to the alkagizer made a huge difference. And lemon. God, I felt in heaven when I discovered the two. Other than that I bought every green vegetable I found in the store and survived thanks to the salmon I had with it. It al tasted bland and boring and I was not happy. Still carried my seeds and nuts with me as not to give in to temptations of the croissant sort. Unhappy, but did it. Determined. On day 3 the sun was shining, I went to this fabulous market (maybe doing a market tour is not the best idea while going into deep spring for the first time in an area I love. At first I was good, but at some point my feet carried me into this bakery on their own. Without being aware of it I ordered an almond croissant, a croissant and had most of the free samples of some sugary something on the table. It felt wonderful. Way too sweet, but happy, I was so happy. I went to the café next door, sat out in the sun, ordered an espresso (which actually tasted horrible), ate my croissant and felt like a human again. That’s exactly what I was thinking: I’m feeling like a human again. I was thrilled. I was overjoyed. I was happy. Unfortunately having given in once lead to giving in again the same evening and stuffing my face with croissant, crepe and all sorts of things until I felt sick. I did the same the following day. Well, I had a chocolate crepe. And was happy beyond expression. When I met Nancy, my WF colleague, we ate at this vegan restaurant that was so not WF spring. Instead of just having a tea I went along with her and had what she had though I wasn’t even hungry. I learned my lesson right there as this was the only time I diverted from the program without really wanting to- a completely unnecessary diversion. The good news was that I did not do it more than 3x, that I had coffee only that one time and that that was all I did. No junk from the store, no alcohol, no nothing. In fact when I missed my flight back and was really upset I went back to the garbage can where I had dumped all my wonderful veggies, got the untouched box back out and that was all I ate. Tried to have some wine when I was finally on a plane home (I thought that if ever than that was when I deserved it), but couldn’t even stand the smell, so dumped it into the toilet. Actually that wasn’t bad. After Paris spring was easier. By the time I got to India (a week after Paris) I was a pro. Not only had I brought my new acquisition, a travel blender, but I knew what to get and how to work WF spring. The first evening I bought some kitchen basics so I could make my own food anywhere. Still, I was over the moon when I found a juice stall that had avocado. I felt so privileged. Not being able to have all these wonderful exotic fruits hurt. So instead of feeling sorry for myself I focused on the joy of having all those wonderful veggies, especially avocado (fruit, I know), having the most fabulous coconut oil and allowing myself to drink fresh coconut water. And I made sure I was always prepared: nuts, seeds, raw crackers. Packed lunch. Loads and loads of water. That worked really well. I eased into it. While I still suffered and felt sorry for myself because I couldn’t have the sweets (since when on earth is Goa the place where one indulges in cakes?!) which suddenly seemed to be ubiquitous, I stayed with the program What frustrated me though was that I didn’t see results. On the contrary. My success from pre-spring diminished. Two steps forward one step back:

I slept an hour more (back to 7-8)
my energy was lower again (but still good enough to get up at 6, go running on the beach, go swimming in the ocean, go for an hour of yoga and commence my Ayurveda treatment by 9)
cravings. Did I mention the ubiquitous cakes in famous sweet heaven Goa?
I don’t know that for sure, but it seemed that I gained some weight back.
The bloating and the gas. Terrible. Horrible. So bad that I went for Ayurveda treatment. If I had to avoid the cruciferous vegetables what would there be left to eat? Or drink for that matter?

Eagerly I was waiting for the switch to flip. I was thinking I did something wrong. I was frustrated. I was a bit angry. This was what I was doing the whole thing for after all. I anted the energy! The less sleep! The steadiness, the certainty. And where were they? I felt disconnected from my group (I was very busy with other things in India) and alone. But I stuck with it. At some point I wrote and even got an answer from Petra: I should get out of spring and jump back in. Hurray! That was my permission to eat fruit. So for two morning I stuffed my face with the largest fruit bowls ever: papaya, mango, custard apple, chirimoya. Heaven! It was way too sweet and way too much, and under different circumstances I would not have eaten it. But that was my only chance. Plus an order. So I did. Mumbai of course made it difficult to stay back in spring. It was a bit like in the beginning in Paris: I had the best intentions, but unknowingly made the wrong choices.Like I had been so happy about the roasted chestnuts on coming out of the Louvre at night only to realize at the end of the packet that chestnuts were sweet and therefore not spring. Arghhh!!! Plus in India you can never be sure that there is no dairy on your food. They are absolute dairyholics. Ridiculous for a country that considers cows sacred. So I ate shrimp- only to learn later that though WF approved shrimp are a no-go for healthy eaters due to the toxins stored in them (and for ecological reasons). If I had gone to expensive restaurants I could have made it – maybe. But that was out of the questions. I was proud of myself navigating the street food without major accidents- not so easy given that I love pretty much everything they sell at any time of the day or at least I love trying it all. And the flight back home- well, that’s another story. Let’s just say that the food I ate was the least of my worries on that particular trip. Looking back at the mistakes or detours I must say though that I think they are quite important. For people like myself need to learn from mistakes. We need to taste that wine to know that we don’t like it anymore. We must be able to knowingly make a wrong choice to realize that it was more about the choice than about having that particular food. And that maybe it’s about looking at all those cakes rather than having them knowing that they taste nowhere near as good as they look. It happened more than a few time that I thought, fuck it, I’m gonna go and have a cake now. To only not do it. To stop at the entrance or to order only a drink when sitting down. Just like that. Automatically.

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