This is it. I’m so sick of feeling that way- of having a headache or being unwell or dizzy or nauseous from (too much) coffee, tired of having this constant dialogue “I want to- I can’t – just one time – I don’t want to ruin my day again – it’s just one cup now, it’ll make you feel better- but then I will feel bad about myself and never get back on WF” etc etc. Endless headfuck conversation. And always the same result: me giving in, having that coffee, and the croissant/cake/bread with it, and then having another one, and then feeling lousy/tired/sick/guilty/bad for the rest of the day. Rewind repeat exact same thing next morning. I knew that coffee was only a habit, some sort of morning ritual and addiction the rest. But I wanted freedom. Total food freedom. Not compatible with coffee.
I’ve had it. I want to feel good. I want absolute health. I want to be proud of myself. I want a super healthy belly, gut and digestion with it. I want the best I can be.
So I really, really, really pulled myself together and did it. I had such an incredible hard time going back on WF that I had to get myself prepped up. I had to come up with a framework that would sort of push me back into it. It worked.
Here is how I did it:
1. I started by listening to all the videos from day 1 onwards again and followed the enhancements along the way. For me it was only sugar, grains and coffee. After my initial 90 days programme I never returned to drinking alcohol or smoking – both major miracles. To this day I don’t know what did it for me- I just stopped and never picked it up again, completely involuntarily. In fact i don’t even notice it anymore, exactly as WF promised. Even sugar or grains were not really an issue- have them or don’t have them – basically a question of convenience of what food is easily accessible. But coffee- holy moly. My vice straight out of hell.
- Along with listening to the videos I started with affirmations: I live fully WF. I love my body. I take good care of my body. I feed my body only healthy, nourishing food. I am completely comfortable in my body.
- Coming towards the end of the year worked to my advantage. Did I really want to not be WF for another full year? Did I not much rather want to end the year proud of myself that I managed to go back after 2 years of trying? Having this psychological pressure worked as a big encouragement and motivation.
- Regarding the bloody coffee I sent a date: by following Monday I must be off it. That meant that I would have had to reach the video of day 29 at the end of week 5 when Eric cut coffee out. Which in return worked as a motivation to listen to the videos frequently.
Here’s my experience:
Day 1: The devil is trying to get me. It works with all tricks in the book. I expected this of course and hold firm. I couldn’t possibly look at myself in the mirror again if I failed once again. Which would be extremely damaging at this moment as I just started Louise Hay’s Mirror Work 21 day program with two friends. I need to be able to look myself in the eye and actually feel love and compassion. Not possible with the coffee devil winning over me daily.
Funny enough the later it gets the more quite the devil becomes. By midday he’s gone. Afternoon: no sight of him. Wouldn’t want a cup if you put it right in front of my nose.
The rest is easypeasy. Eating takes a bit of extra thinking, but once again I enjoy the creativity. Luckily (in this regard) it’s awfully hot in the afternoons. No one wants to eat anyway.
I’m so so tired I fall asleep on the couch. Now that has hardly ever happened again. Ok it was very late last night, but that alone can’t be it.
When I come home quite late (after my mirror work session) I still go to the kitchen and stuff myself. This time with WF food (of sorts).
Day 2: Coffee is a mere thought in the back of my head. Today I’m craving croissants, and I have to smile at that. I’m feeling good, not as proud as expected, sleep wasn’t really any better (yet) either, but hey, no coffee! Funny enough today is the day I finally go to this newly discovered French bakery where a real French lady (that I become friends with instantly) makes real French pastry. Out of this world. So are the prices. No croissant, ha.
I’m tired and worn out in the afternoon again with a slight headache and feeling of being unwell. May be the heat.
Same binge eating in the evening like always, but healthier and maybe a little less.
Day 3: Today it really gets me. A strange cat came into Elena’s bedroom (!) at 4am, of course causing a fight with our cats. We both couldn’t go back to sleep after that. Still felt fine enough to bike down to the beach and swim. A few hours later my whole body felt drained to the point where I couldn’t stand anymore and my eyelids dropped while looking at the screen. I went to bed and slept for 3 hours. I felt better afterwards, only the mild headache and slight feeling of being unwell are still there. Whether that’s the coffee withdrawel or the heat or the headcold I may have gotten biking with wet hair this morning – who knows.
And we’re binge eating again in the evening.
Day 4: Just as I thought that the coffee devil had used the opportunity to take annual leave, the croissant craving returns- and the idea to actually go to a cafe and have one – with coffee of course. At this point I honestly think that what kept me from doing it was the useful but otherwise sad fact that the few places that actually have nice croissants (which I should not diminish- this is Goa after all, not exactly renown for its croissants) only serve lousy coffee (which even I don’t want), and the places with good coffee (quite a few) are either ridiculously expensive (sure no-go for me in spite of my head-addiction) or don’t have nice croissants or both. So I didn’t go. Ha! One more round won.
Today I’m full of energy and could still lie down and sleep any minute. I think I have a slight cold or am either getting it or not. Therefore feeling a bit unwell. Treating myself to something that really supports me: a massage.
