The End (of round 1) - Irina's WildFit Life

WEEK 12-13, Dec 29, 2016 It’s over. I did it! WE did it! For this was/is a concerted effort. Without the group – I don’t think I would have made it. The group is a big part of my WF success story. (O, and I got my period on the 26^th). So it finally worked. At the 3^rd attempt of going back into spring (1^st in India when I was officially told to come out and go back in to kick-start ketosis. I involuntarily had to come out again a few days after going back into deep spring (2nd) because I had a really hard and impossible time to stay in spring while in Mumbai. The 3^nd time out was the one that did it for me. While everyone else had their official spring-break (haha) we went to Budapest, and I had every intention to enjoy the long weekend away with my daughters (after not having seen them for 3 weeks). But I came prepared: I had googled the vegan/raw restaurants and cafes, so I had a clear plan of where to go when we were ready for food. I indulged in vegan food (soy-loaded) and raw and paleo (oopsie for the dates and agave syrup). At breakfast I had huge platters of fruit and did eat the croissants and bread. It was wonderful, and I felt great. My big aha came when I realized why I had an issue with vegan and why it wasn’t for me: I don’t agree to substituting, be it by replacing dairy with soy or by making everything look and taste like it was cheese or meat. And I’m not keen on cooked food anymore. The raw and paleo sweets on the contrary (and also the vegan ones I must admit) were wonderful without exception: tasty, not sweet at all and very filling. And the prices…heaven! During the live-call on Dec. 12 I finally had the chance to ask Eric why it was so difficult for me to get into ketosis and whether it might have to do with my overall good health and eating habits pre-WF. He answered that I may very well have been in ketosis but since I had already been high-energy and healthy pre-WF I may not have noticed. I told him that I’d pushed myself when running – like he’d advised another colleague – and that it had worked. I could now run twice the distance and double the time. At last I was able to ask Eric what he thought of eating raw- since the beginning of the program I had tried to get his opinion on my preferred diet. As expected Eric said that he thought it was great, only that raw food may be loaded with agave syrup which was not WF approved. I agree, same with dates. Simply replacing ingredients doesn’t work – see vegan. It takes a different approach (less sweet, diversity, flavor, etc) to create a healthier, more human-fit diet. Reflecting on the conversation with Eric it occurred to me that my body is extremely flexible. Be it with different diets/foods in different places on the planet or with me experimenting with approaches/diets or exercising and fasting, eating a lot or little or healthy or not-so – my body always played along. Never did I suffer from constipation or weight gain (or loss for that matter) or any other reactions to my food experiments. So why should it now be fast in reacting to WF when it must have seemed like another phase or spleen I’m going through? Going back into spring felt very good though and came naturally. I was rewarded with

only 6 hours of sleep from night 1
vivid, beautiful dreams from night 1
uninterrupted sleep (first time in months if not longer)
stable energy all day. In fact I had to remind myself to go to sleep.
clear, sharp mind
I could run twice as far twice as long
no yelling at the kids
and most important: I felt happy. Wildfit has made a happy woman out of me! I got up in the morning excited about the day to come and went to sleep satisfied with the day behind me, looking forward to the day to come.

When we completed the challenge on Dec. 19 I had released a total of 6 kg and felt great but confused about how to continue. I had discovered that my body was faster than my mind, that in order for the body to make healthy choices I do not need an absence of cravings or inner dialogues. While I may be thinking that I wanted certain foods like chocolate I may in consequence not reach out for it. Then came Christmas. I made raw sweets and had decided to go with the flow, to not restrict myself and just see what would happen. I would go back to WF and to do the whole challenge over came January, so nothing to worry about. Pretty much I stuck to WF. Give and take a few sugar-loaded cookies (not too good) plus lots of my raw goodies (since nobody else ate them I had to eat them all). I stayed away form coffee (but had a few previously, even while in Budapest or during training sessions from vending machines, which I love, telling myself that it wasn’t real coffee anyway.), had no alcohol (due to a mixture of not wanting it, being disgusted and being afraid of the consequences) or rice (surprisingly easy), but in general had a lot and too much. I immediately went back to lots of bloating and farting (or it was the fiber I was having because I was only using the blender for making juice), I knew that I couldn’t have spelt because it messed up my belly and I realized the importance of having it very clear what is below the line and what I may have under which circumstances. I went back into the habit of stuffing myself, of wanting sweets after lunch and of eating whatever came into sight. Or was left over. Below the line was:

alcohol
dairy
wheat (grains would have be too much of a challenge at that point)
coffee (that was hard because while I was happy without it, I felt that I could occasionally have it when I really wanted it and then without consequences. But I was scared of falling back into the addiction, and I definitely did not want to lose my wonderful new sleep pattern).
black tea (not a renunciation, but good to have another item below the line)
I wish I could have put sugar here, but I was afraid that was too restricting. I would not actively seek it out or buy it, but if I wanted to taste a cookie, I might as well.) So the solution for the moment was simply not to buy it. That has worked well so far, even with the kids, and even when 50% off and fair trade. I was not doing the 2^nd round for nothing after all.

So me – and a huge group of colleagues – are redoing the whole thing from January. I need to do it because I want to internalize WF until I don’t even notice non-WF food anymore. Until I’m so disgusted or indifferent to crap that I’m out of the danger zone. And until I’m completely stable with my spring success. Because since I let myself go – since Christmas-

I immediately added 2 hours of sleep to each night again (sometimes even 4! Awful! Just from a few spelt flour cookies!!!). I’m still not tired at night with stable energy all day, but for how much longer?
I’m bloated and so full of gas it’s not funny. Smelly too- all without sugar.
I eat too much. I don’t feel good.
I’ve started to yell at the kids again.
The sweat under my left armpit very lightly smells again.
My energy (running) is still there. How long?
Energy is still good and stable, but happiness- and excitement-level have gone down significantly. I want my happiness back!
Probably the scariest thing is the warning sign in the form of my right index finger. It has a big scar right over the knuckle and has given me trouble before. Usually when I do a detox it swells and hurts. I’ve had TCM treatment. When starting WF it had been a thing of the past to me with the scar invisible. After first going into spring it turned increasingly red, swole and looked very infected. I could not bend it anymore. It grew worse by the day. It hurt too and looked worse than ever. Too bad I didn’t take pictures. By about the 4^th week it all cleared up and the finger became perfectly normal again. A few days into christmas (eating) it started again. It’s read, swollen, and I can’t bend it all the way. Something is clearly wrong here.
I haven’t weighed myself, and I’m not going to, but I’m terrified of gaining the weight back.

I know for sure now that I will not go back. That I mustn’t go back. That I have to find a way out of this. That I can#t go from happy WF to binge eating and back. Ok, this is not binge, it is healthy beyond normal standards- point being that it affects me negatively, that I’m not sure what it is, but that it needs to stop. I desperately need to find a way of living WF, of feeling good all the time. Of stopping the self-sabotage – because this is exactly what it is-, the stuffing myself, the hurting myself really. I need to find a way to be true to myself. For the pros so much outweigh the cons (what cons really?) that I am more than happy to stick with my diet. So I will start over again. Not from day 1, that would be silly because for the first few weeks we kept eating what we wanted to eat which clearly I’m not going back to. What would be the point of that? The pure thought of going back to pre-WF, eating all the grains, drinking coffee, smoking. OMG, I forgot that I dropped that too! I already forgot that I ever smoked! Thinking of all those sweets I used to eat makes me want to vomit. Most likely I will start with a few days of fall- fruits in the morning – and then go straight into spring. Maybe normal spring for a few weeks, and then deep spring again. Eric said no one would expect us to live in spring. But, honestly, at this point, what choice do we have? I mean summer is basically spring except for the berries which I have not brought into my life and will not start now for sure. So the difference is between spring and deep spring. Ok, so be it. Here is what I want to achieve:

steady weight.
steady uninterrupted 6 hours of sleep
steady energy and mood stability
being free from food/eating obsessions
having a very clear unshakeable idea of what to eat and what not
and end to the self-punishing of I have to eat that or I mustn’t eat that- and then eat it anyhow
a younger looking face
my facial redness/scars gone
no age spots on hands
slimmer calves
my hair to grow back again
all traces of back-pain gone
I so want to inspire and lead others to a free, WF life