It’s been 15 months since I finished my 90 days WF challenge, 10 since the end of the WF reunion that I added. It’s been 15 months since I last lived fully WF. 15 months of struggling to get back on track, 15 months of feeling guilty, 15 months of beating myself up about not simply doing it.
Why is it so damn hard? I had fantastic improvements: less sleep, more energy (both my main goals for starting WF in the first place), steady, positive feeling. I was happy all the time, so what is the problem? Why am I sabotaging myself, almost like punishing myself so that I am not the best I can be? Or is the „other stuff“, all the devils, are they so strong? Still?
Following the law of attraction whereby you focus on the positive aspects that already exist in your life, thereby creating the positive vibes that make you drop resistance against letting the things you want into your life, there are a number of major things that have changed for good:
- I’m done with carbs. Not 100% because I do eat a croissant, a pancake, a cookie, quinoa, etc now and then, but I have never gone back to eating rice (who would have ever guessed).
- I still very much dislike alcohol. Going completely off alcohol was the biggest surprise for me on WF. I had no issues with drinking, I enjoyed my wine or whiskey, and yet: I can’t stand that stuff anymore. I have had a few whiskeys over the past 10 months – maybe 3 or 4 – but never more than one and always heavily diluted with lots of ice.
- I never went back to smoking. Giving up smoking during the programme was tough, and it took me a few days longer than Eric told us to, but then I did drop it. It looks like I quit cigarettes for good. Not bad.
- Most important of all: I now know 100% what THE right diet is, and I know why. I know the do’s and don’t’s, and i know how good they feel.
So what’s the problem then: well, basically I overeat. I stuff food into my mouth, even when I’m not hungry or very full already. Occasionally it’s things that are really bad for me like cake I don’t even want or chips at a party. Looks like I have become a compulsory eater. That doesn’t worry me though because I have always had phases where I would eat a lot and phases when I had no appetite really. My body has been taking both surprisingly well and without any noticeable affects.
My only remaining single food issue is coffee. I dropped the sugar easily, even the carbs altogether, but coffee, hello, no sir. Not that it doesn’t make me feel bad. Sometimes I get a headache, sometimes I feel sick, sometimes my guts hurt, my heart pounds, I get nervous and agitated. I know it affects my sleep, and I’m far from being a good sleeper anyway. So what the bloody hell is it that has still got me hooked?
I admit I like the taste. I drink my coffee black, no sugar. The sugar I dropped some 25 years ago. The milk went when I went fully vegan a few years ago. After WF I even dropped the croissant or cookie or cake I used to need to have with my coffee. I love coffee and plantain, I have it with nuts or even without anything. Very important: I love going to cafés for my morning coffee. It’s a very social thing because I meat half the neighbourhood at the local joint, and I love the feeling of going for a coffee as a way of starting the day with myself, treating myself nicely (I know, Eric, I know). Yes, I very much dislike the acidy after-taste in my mouth. Hate the feeling coffee leaves on my teeth. Everything else, even sugar, I don’t feel like I’m relinquishing. But giving up coffee feels like I’m depriving myself.
Here is what I think: I have come such a long way, giving up and changing a lot of my food-believes I used to hold, that I had so deeply embraced and held up (me, the health guru!). I even eat meat again (only every 3-6 months, but I do). It feels like coffee is the only vice left and the one thing that connects me with the ordinary world.
Cause let’s face it. As many benefits as living WF has: it’s lonely at the top. I mean it’s a challenge to maneuvre out there. Being on the move, always carrying your emergency food, never being able to eat street food or to just walk into a store. Social events! When eating at friends’ or celebrating with non-wildfitters (meaning the rest of the world) it takes some mental and vocal strength and a full belly to hold up. I know these things get easier over time, but hello, can I please still have my cup of coffee or two)? I cannot be my healthiest, best me as long as I still pour this car battery acid down my body.
Abraham (Esther Hicks):
Cravings are going to occur to you. So here’s the rule of thumb about eating, or about investing in the stock market, or about anything else: If the impulse comes from a joyous thought that feels good, follow it. If the impulse comes from an uncomfortable thought that felt bad, don’t follow it.
